Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jonah Hex: Awful, Awful, Awful

You have to almost feel bad for Megan Fox. Sure, she's white hot beautiful and has made a fortune of the popular Transformers movies, but I have yet to see her in a film I didn't hate, loathe and detest all at once. Without a doubt, she has either the worst taste or worst luck in all of Hollywood. Ever. The fact that there are credible rumors that's she's a diva make that feeling sorry for her disappear pretty quickly. This latest film is as bad as any of the others, equally as inept as her last feature Jennifer's Body, a film that she was perfect for had the directing or screenplay not been utter garbage. This was easily the worst rendition of a comic character, worse than Howard the Duck or Electra. Anyone who has seen those bad movies will have a hard time believing that until you see this trash.
Josh Brolin plays Jonah Hex, a badly scarred bounty hunter, whose wife and kids were killed by John Malcovich's Quintin Turnbull. Left for dead, he comes back, now with the added ability of able to raise the dead briefly, ala Hellboy. After killing a bunch of crooked lawmen in a laughably bad scene involving a horse and two Gatling guns, the film lurches to Adian Quinn's president demanding his men get Hex to help stop Turnbull from destroying the world. Or something like that. The plot is paper thin, see through even. Megan Fox shows up as the hooker with a heart of gold (UGH) who helps out Jonah Hex. Why? Who knows and who cares. There is not one credible moment in this entire film. Oddly, the studios gave a 50 million dollar budget to a newbie director who worked as an animator with Pixar and a sketchy writer whose best films with the off kilter Crank and its sequel (which I admit I really liked). The other writer was a camera operator. Trust me, it shows. This film stunk of studio involvement. I can see the pitches now from the MBAtards, "Can we put Gatling guns on a horse? That'd be cool. Can we shorten it to the length of a porno? Awesome." The film is only 1 hour 12 minutes which doesn't leave much for things like plot or character development or a concise story. It is loud, brash and stupid. Thankfully America didn't like it either as it tanked hard in the box office. As a person who actually read the comic a few times, the movie is nothing like the character except in the visual sense only. Brolin nails his appearance, but is far too one dimensional to be of any interest. And the addition of a power Hex never had in the comic is kind of cool and would have worked had it been germane to the story in any way, shape or form. This film was one of the worst of the year. Don't bother.

0 stars out of 5

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