Friday, May 6, 2011

Little Fockers: Focking Awful

If a million monkeys typed a million years on a million typewriters, they would still get a better screenplay than this drek. Certain to appear on my worst of the year list, this waste of film wastes a plethora of solid talent by forcing them to be not funny for an hour and a half. A very long hour and a half I might add.

The plot is typical sitcom fodder where De Nero's Jack is suffering from chest pains so he decides to have Stiller's Greg be the head of the family should anything happen to him. Never mind that in the previous two movies, Jack has a son who is conveniently forgotten about, a prospect I wish I could do as well. The rest of the film is Jack terrorizing his son in law to such an extent that stalking laws were certainly violated as much as my eyeballs were. Owen Wilson, Blythe Danner, Teri Polo and Barabra Streisand are all adequate though rarely funny. Harvey Keitel is in this in a glorified cameo that made little sense and not necessary. Not exactly the Taxi Driver reunion we all wanted. Worst of the bunch is the still hot Jessica Alba who is horribly miscast as a love foil for Greg. Not entirely her fault as her part is badly written but a different actress might have been much better.

The script is piss poor as if they had watched a Three's Company marathon and said let's duplicate the worst jokes of the series. Everything here is sitcomy awful and no one will not see the jokes coming a mile away. It isn't helped by the leaden directing by Paul Weitz, who with his brother Chris, are becoming two unwatchable talents to avoid at all costs. His brother Chris is doing the craptastic looking A Better Life, about illegal aliens working in the US. That'll play well in Peoria (add sarcasm here). Both SUCK as directors and neither has done anything worth watching since the first American Pie. How do these idiots keep getting work when their movies aren't very good? But more important to the bean counters in Hollywood, their movies don't make any money. Who hires people who movies fail consistently? MBAtards who run Lalaland, that's who. This is why movies suck so bad today, because toadies like this keep getting hired to do equally lousy work. STOP HIRING THE WEITZ BROTHERS ALREADY. THEY SUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

There are some funny parts to the movie mostly off the fact that the cast is quite good. De Nero scores the most laughs followed closely by Jinxie the cat. When your upstaged by an animal look out. Oddly, the funniest moments are all at the end of the picture, by which most will have turned off by. The YouTube remix of Greg's speech at a Big Pharma convention is hilarious. Too bad you have to suffer through an hour and a half of nut kicking pain to get to it.

one star out of 5

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